Anniversary

In my previous post I neglected to mention that today is the second anniversary of my arrival in Stockholm.

I've completed my studies here as planned, but I've also come to realise recently how I've been denying myself a certain dimension of existence. I could ascribe this behaviour to my history and circumstances, but it's not really true: you shouldn't wait for things to happen, but rather make them happen.

Still, plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose. Stockholm is beautiful and placid as ever, but has become slightly tarnished with familiarity. I've learned to read and understand Swedish, and have basic spoken and written skills in it, but I still feel like an invandrare (immigrant). Although I now understand the Swedish mentality enough not to offend the natives by default and not to take offense at their withdrawn manner, I am curiously unsatisfied with this society's way of life.

I enjoy the safety, style, basic politeness, infrastructure, diverse cultural heritage, and gender equality, but even the reality check of a visit to South Africa wasn't enough to obscure the downside: is this how people turn out when they lack for nothing? Nobody seems to need anyone else; each person is an island. Few people attempt to learn from others, since they are secure in their consumerist lifestyles. The "nanny state" laws (e.g. 0% alcohol tolerance when driving) also don't appeal to me: if you stop people from making small mistakes, they'll never mature. In fact, the people here seem to be out of touch with the realities of existence: perhaps the prosperity of recent decades has spoilt them.

I'm not yet sure I would be comfortable with my children absorbing the social values here; however, when I look at alternative destinations which offer similar lifestyles, I can't say I'm persuaded to leave.

So, although I've learned a lot about Sweden in the past two years, I still don't know enough to form a balanced opinion.

In closing I give you one of my favourite songs: Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here". Its lyrics have never made more sense to me than now.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.